Captain America # 48 – Review

By Ed Brubaker (writer) Butch Guice, Luke Ross, and Steve Epting (art) Frank D’Armata (colors)

Okay, here goes: I’m officially calling for the impeachment of Bucky Barnes, the current Captain America. I charge him for being boring, self-obsessed, and physically unfit to wear the uniform. Using guns and having a bionic arm is no substitute for the resourcefulness, cunning, and raw power it takes to be Captain America. Cap should not be emo and infinitely self-reflective. He should be confident and chock full of testosterone. I’m attaching a letter I recently wrote to the new “Captain America” for you, the fans of WCBR, to read.

Dear B,

Bucky, you’re really starting to suck. In the latest issue of the series you’re stinking-up, you needed to be rescued by your girlfriend, who then lectured you on being more emotionally available to her. Give. Me. A. Break!

Dude, aren’t you supposed to save the day, rather than your girl.  Aren’t you supposed to hold your own among other Superheroes– in this case Namor, rather than following behind him like his kid brother? Seriously, you’re supposed to be Captain America! Man up!

I for one, am tired of your constant droning about your past as the Winter Soldier. I got it–you killed innocent people. I understand that that makes you sad. But, you’re not a 15 year old kid, man! Put away the journal and stop writing crappy poetry as you listen to grunge music, while you grapple with how “deep” you are! Don’t you have like an international terrorist organization to raid or an ex-arch villain to find? We don’t care about your personal journey anymore.

This last issue really put the nail in your coffin. After that evil scientist from your past and his soldier, the “Man With No Face” tied you up and was trying to kill Namor, you totally groveled and begged like a little girl. I understand that you were upset because they weaponized the remains of your old bud, the original Human Torch, but don’t you think you acted a little bit un-Captain America like by being hopeless?

As always, I was impressed with the artistic depiction of the events you experienced. Butch Guice is an awesome artist and he made you look real good despite your sorry self. He really excels in capturing tones and telling a coherent story.

But the fact remains, you can put a dress on a pig and it’s still a pig. Therefore, I think you should step down as Captain America. I think you would be happier as his sidekick or roll player. It would serve you to talk to those in charge about how to bring Steve Rogers back somehow. Heck, I’ll take him back as Zombie Steve or Robo-Steve, just slap the star on his chest and give him the shield and I’m good.

I hate to do this, but as it stands now, I will no longer be along for the ride as long as you’re driving. I’ll put my 3 bucks to a more worth-while cause. I am thusly branding you with a final….

Grade: D

-Rob G